First Impressions: Alpha and Omega (Film)

It's time for a new segment: First Impressions is going to be all about, well, my first impressions of things. Normally when one sees a movie trailer, book cover or whatever it is entirely normal to form some sort of opinion of the product before actually trying it. Well, for those of you that care about what monstrosities my mind expels from its squishy self, here you go.

Alpha and Omega (Film)

Have you seen this yet? Me neither, and I'm 100% positive that I never will. What I have seen, however, is the trailer for the movie. Actually, let me be more specific. The trailer was on, and I saw something about the characters that made me feel a few different emotions, most of them rage.

Do you see that? I do, and I can't fucking stand it.

I'm sorry, can you still not see what I'm talking about? Alright, let me approach this in a different manner. One that will hopefully disperse any confusion you may currently have.

Do you see what I'm talking about now? Hair? SERIOUSLY? How lazy of a character designer do you need to be that you have to give every character in your movie hair? To be honest, I can't even think of a good reason WHY either of these wolves should have hair. Can you? So why DO these characters (I will call them Alpha and Omega, as the film title implies, but I honestly have no idea what their names are and I refuse to check) have hair?

Sure you may be thinking to yourself, "Obviously, my handsome, intelligent, and all-around awesome blogging friend, it is so you can distinguish the males from the females."

(Insert brain aneurysm here)

Reasons why THIS cannot even potentially be a legitimate reason to give these animals hair:

1. The lengths are pretty much exactly the same, so there is nothing to distinguish the styles.

1b. Hair styles in today's society are as varying as ever. It is extremely old-fashioned to think "girls have long hair and boys have short hair."

2. Voices? I'm assuming these animals can talk. I say "assuming" because I could not bring myself to actually pay attention to anything in this trailer.

3. By admitting that it is a good idea for ANY reason, you are giving yourself much less credit than you actually deserve in the area of "being able to distinguish one thing form another."

4. I don't even need a fourth reason. It's just stupid.

Quick, what is the first animated movie about animals you can think of. The Lion King, probably. If not, it's The Lion King now. I can hear what you're saying, "But Mr. Awesome, Simba had hair!"

NO HE FUCKING DID NOT.

THAT IS A MANE YOU FUCKERS.

In fact, I'm pretty sure there wasn't a damn character in The Lion King who actually had some sort of hair that didn't belong.

Nope. Not a damn one of them.

What if Simba did have some sort of weird fucking hair like Alpha and/or Omega? Would that really have changed your first impression of the movie?

Would you still have seen the movie if you saw this on the trailer?

No.